“If I let this anger out, I will explode and do something crazy.”
This is one of the deepest fears I hear every day in my practice. When an emotion becomes too intense — massive anger, abyssal grief — the nervous system panics. It convinces itself of an absolute certainty: “if I lose control, I will die, lose my mind, or destroy everything around me.”
So, we hold back. We lock it down. We grit our teeth.
Freud was already explaining it in his own way: neurosis consists of clinging to a problem while believing that letting go would be fatal. In reality, the exact opposite happens. The problem has never been the anger or the emotion itself. The real problem is the colossal amount of energy it takes for you to suppress it.
Somatic Freeze: Pressing the Gas and Brake at the Same Time
Somatically, this constant suppression corresponds to a freeze state. It is the equivalent of pressing the accelerator and the brake of your car simultaneously. Can you imagine the internal pressure that creates?
This accumulated pressure from holding everything in creates the terrifying illusion that you are going to explode. It is not the emotion putting you in danger: it is the wall you build to prevent it from existing.
Healing Through Compassionate Inquiry® and Somatic Experiencing®
To defuse this ticking time bomb, intellectual analysis is not enough. Emotion is a living experience frozen in the body. The synergy between Compassionate Inquiry® (developed by Dr. Gabor Maté) and Somatic Experiencing® (developed by Peter Levine) allows for deep healing:
1. Compassionate Inquiry®: Meeting Childhood Body Memories
Compassionate Inquiry® drops directly into bodily presence. Rather than analyzing your story, it invites you to settle into physical sensations and emotions as they emerge right here and now. By compassionately meeting these bodily expressions, we trace back to the source: childhood wounds and traumas.
This fear of being overwhelmed was formed when you were a child, lacking the resources or support to carry such a heavy load. By meeting this part of yourself through the body in a safe container, the old belief softens and dissolves.
2. Somatic Experiencing®: Allowing Energy to Move Through the Body
Complemented by Somatic Experiencing®, we create a safe space to release the stored stress response in the nervous system. Through titration (taking small, manageable steps), sensations and emotions are allowed to flow through the body in waves, at your own pace.
Then, the miracle happens: you realize the body naturally knows how to process and metabolize this emotion. The pressure drops. You don't collapse, and you don't destroy anything. You realize with relief that you are still here, alive, present, and whole.
Relearning Somatic Safety
The moment you stop holding back, anger ceases to be a threat or a ticking time bomb. It simply becomes life energy circulating and naturally settling down.
What emotion or fear are you holding back out of fear of what might happen if you gave it a little space?
If you feel that maintaining this wall requires too much energy today, know that it is possible to relearn safety differently than by holding everything in. It is possible to taste this deep relief directly within your body.
I am happy to discuss this with you if you are interested in a new perspective and want to move on in your life.
Ventrally,
Carmen
