What if the Best Version of You Desn't Exist?
“Carmen, I’m so tired of this obsession with becoming the best version of myself. I’ve read everything, followed every program... and I feel even more fragmented than before.”
I hear these words often. Not just in my practice. But in the look, the voice, the breath of those who come to me.
And each time, I tell them the same thing: what if the "best version of you" didn't exist?
Because seriously... which version, exactly?
The one who never feels anger?
The one who never experiences anxiety?
The one who smiles all the time, even when their heart is bleeding?
That person doesn't exist, and yet, that's the mirage self-help sells you.
There’s a Trap in "Become Better"
You’re told to:
“Transform your sadness into joy.”
“Change your fear into courage.”
“Replace your anger with kindness.”
Sounds great. But what does that really create? An internal war.
You learn to reject what you feel, to run from your emotions as if they were enemies, to tell yourself: "I shouldn't feel this way."
And the more you read, the more you meditate, the more you "work on yourself"... the more you dissociate from yourself. Because you're not healing; you're doing violence to yourself.
What If Your Emotions Weren’t Your Enemies?
As a therapist specializing in Somatic Experiencing®, Compassionate Inquiry, and Polyvagal Theory, I don't work to "transform" my clients.
I guide them to understand, and to have their bodies understand.
Because what you call:
Sadness → often holds deep wisdom, an unprocessed grief, an unrecognized loss.
Anger → protects your boundaries, says: "This far, and no farther."
Fear → is an alarm from the nervous system: "Warning, something here is important."
These emotions aren't bugs. They are messages. And the body knows this long before the mind.
Polyvagal Theory Has Brought This New Insight: Your Body is Speaking to You.
Thanks to Polyvagal Theory, we know that your emotional reactions aren't weaknesses—they're automatic survival strategies put in place by your nervous system:
When you shut down → it's a shutdown state.
When you yell → it's a fight activation.
When you flee → it's the flight state.
And all of this... is normal. It's the body trying to protect you.
But when these states get stuck on a loop, without ever regulating... you feel out of control, fragmented, exhausted.
Healing Isn't a Transformation; It's a Reconciliation
What my clients discover in my guidance isn't how to become someone else.
It's how to:
Listen to what their body is telling them,
Welcome their emotions without judgment (with Compassionate Inquiry),
Release the energetic blockages of trauma (with Somatic Experiencing®),
Rebalance their nervous system (thanks to Polyvagal Theory).
And that's not about becoming "better." It's about coming back to yourself.
You Are Not to Be Improved. You Are to Be Integrated.
You don't need to eliminate a part of yourself to be worthy of love, peace, or safety.
You need to:
Recognize that every emotion has a role,
Understand that every "part" of you wanted to protect you,
Learn to reconnect—without violence, without pressure.
And that's where everything changes.
My 1:1 Reconnection Program — For Those Who Want to Stop Fighting
I am the only therapist in France to combine Somatic Experiencing®, Compassionate Inquiry, and Polyvagal Theory in a deep and personalized guidance program.
Not to transform you, but to guide you to reconcile with YOU.
My Reconnection program is designed for:
People exhausted by self-help,
Those who have tried everything but still feel lost,
Those who finally want to end their internal war.
Spaces are very limited, as each session is deep, intense, and custom-made.
Ready to Stop Doing Violence to Yourself?
Ventrally,
Carmen
Trauma Therapist | Somatic Experiencing® & Nervous System Regulation Specialist
