Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you react in a way that doesn't satisfy you?
This could be related to the state of your autonomic nervous system. A concrete example: Your boss gives you extra tasks while you already have a priority project. How do you react?
Ventral: You calmly express that it's difficult and negotiate a deadline. Result: a compromise where everyone is satisfied.
Sympathetic: You get angry. It escalates into conflict, and your relationships suffer.
Dorsal: You say nothing and resign to accumulating tasks, risking burnout.
I recognize that it would have served me better to be assertive with my superiors—not to brownnose (I’m incapable of that)—but to express my needs confidently. For a long time, I thought I shouldn’t disturb anyone. I believed that working hard and staying invisible would avoid conflict.
However, my first boss in Canada told me:
"When you do something, learn to make it known."
But no, I stayed in my corner. Not making waves...
Today, polyvagal theory teaches us to better understand these reactions. It shows us that, if we are in a good nervous state, we have the ability to co-regulate our colleagues, even our superiors. This means we can positively influence the relational environment around us.
Have you ever noticed these moments when you co-regulate others? Or when you are being co-regulated?
Ventrally,
Carmen
PS: Co-regulation is a process where two people mutually adjust their behaviors and emotions in response to each other. This concept is essential in interpersonal relationships and emotional regulation, fostering greater well-being in social environments.
